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Murphy's Laws of Computing
When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
When the going gets tough, upgrade.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
Plays On Words
1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count who votes.
6. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
9. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
10. A calendar's days are numbered.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THE OFFICE BUT AREN'T:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7.
If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
5. Hmmmmmm... I think it's out of fluid!
4.
My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be
getting off today?
1. It's not fair, I do all the work while he just sits there!
Take Me Out To The Ball Game
A doctor at a mental institution, decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his
patients to respond to his commands. He was a very dedicated doctor to his patients and he affectionately called them his
Nuts
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled,
"Up nuts!" and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" and they all sat down. After
a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" and they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When
he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened, "what in the heck is going on"?.
The assistant replied, well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"
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"THE WRONG E-MAIL" ADDRESS
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay
at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic chedules,
it was difficult
to coordinate their travel reservations. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday and his wife was to
fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However,
he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and without realizing his error, the e-mail went forward.
Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston, a woman had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister for many
years and had been "called home to glory" following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found
his mother on the floor, and saw the computer
screen which read :
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 March 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved
ones.
I've just arrived and been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking
forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here
FRIENDS
Me And You Are Friends ...
You Smile, I Smile .....
You Hurt, I Hurt ....
You Cry, I Cry ...
You Jump Off A Bridge ...
I'm Gonna Miss Your Dumb Ass!
WHAT DOES A KISS TASTE LIKE?
One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She
blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy.
"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your
Mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, a little
girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of Ass!"
Clik here for something a little different.
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